The Pendulum Effect

It's no surprise to me that writers are weird, somewhat unconventional narcissists. I think most of us deal with a lack of faith in ourselves and our work on a fairly regular basis. Some of us are taught to be humble to the point of self-deprecation, but in order to be successful, we have to do a song and dance to convince people how great our work is (whether we believe it or not). It's a constant struggle for balance between confidence and modesty. I think most of us lose, because writers are mostly introverts - more comfortable hiding behind their written word. On top of it all, we all suffer from god-complexes: we are the creators of worlds and manipulators of fates. How could that not go to someone's head?

Thus, we are all slightly neurotic. I'm not just saying this based on the evidence of my own neurosis. I have read plenty of blogs written by other writers, and even talked to some of them, from best-selling to not-yet-published. My findings are pretty definitive. We're all nuts. In a good way, of course. For the most part.

The negative side of that is the debilitating depression when things aren't going well.

The positive side is the euphoric high when things do go well.

Right now, things are going fantastically well for me. I've come out of my funk, and I've been writing like a crack addict the past few days. I just can't stop. Scenes are coming together, and the the light of the tunnel is almost blinding. I am so close I can almost taste victory. Right now I have no doubt that I can knock out the rest of this book before I have to start my National Novel Writing Month project.

I will be the first to admit that I am super annoying when in this mode. I'm loud and hyper. I babble almost incoherently. I love life. I love my story and my characters. I love the boss I usually hate. I want to kiss babies and adopt puppies and solve all of my friends' problems for them. I am a plot master. If I can solve my characters conflicts with such ease, than obviously I can accomplish world peace by sheer force of will alone.

It's times like these that I love being a writer. That I know I am a writer. That I am doing exactly what I am meant to be doing.

Unfortunately, I'm rather manic when it comes to writing. I have to cling to the euphoria while I can, because the pendulum will swing back the other way and I will go back to hating everything I've ever written and bemoan the fact that I am doomed to be a writer.

But if I can just remember these high moments, it might make the low ones less crippling. I'm counting on you, friends, family, and readers, to remind me.

Did this entry make sense? I'm suffering from lack of sleep and an extreme caffeine overdose (and it's not even November yet. Yikes). Nothing is making any sense to me right now. In case you are looking for the cliffnotes to this post, here are the main points I was attempting to make:

-Writers are manic weirdos
-I am a writer, whether I love the fact or hate it on any given day.
-Monsters of Lawrence, the first draft, will be completed sometime in the next 11 days and 10 hours.

The End!

Oh, P.S. If you are a writer and you are reading this, feel free to debate whether or not you are a manic weirdo. I'd love to hear your take on it. Because it's possible that it's just me...

Motivating the Muse

I thought I would try to do a fun post where I conduct an interview with one of the characters from my story, kind of like on a talk show or something, but it turned into an epic failure. One flat our refused, one didn't bother showing up, and then I got in an argument with my last resort (I honestly had no idea how upset he was about the whole love triangle thing). Unfortunately, that doesn't leave me with many other characters, so I might have to try that another day, or use a character from another story sometime. I suppose this is what I get for being so mean to them all the time. Give them a chance to talk to me out of the story and they let me have it.

So instead, I am going to talk about motivation. More specifically, my motivation. Every year I resolve to write more than just during National Novel Writing Month, but my muse is fickle. What it is about this past year that has kept me writing when in previous years my resolutions ended in epic failure?

The answer is this: meetings, deadlines, and tracking.

krishnan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Meetings - The Writing Buddy and I have been steadfast in our meeting schedule. We've been meeting at least once a week almost without fail since December, and while not all of those meetings were wildly productive, it kept us both in touch with our current project and constantly thinking about the next project. Some of this I think is accountability, but it is also actually scheduling time to write - setting aside that time in my week so I have no excuse not to do it.

Rawich / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Deadlines/To Do lists - I've found the more specific the better with this, however they also have to be realistic and give me a bit of leeway. I set the goal to have my fanfic and my Sally Prescott adventure done by the end of the summer - they both got done. I set the goal to have my Rift story transcribed before I started the next story - it got done in record time. I've set the goal to write at least two blog entries a week, and so far I have. None of my past "write for at least an hour every day this entire year" or "type up every story you've ever written by hand as soon as possible" or even "you have to write a blog on Tuesday and Thursday by 5pm every day." I've discovered ways to set deadlines so that they work for me instead of against me.

krishnan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Wordcount bars/charts - I've had a chance during Camp Nanowrimo this month to analyze what makes Nanowrimo so effective for me. A lot of it has to do with the community: fellow writers who are fighting the same battles at roughly the same pace. That's why I am Municipal Liaison for my region - to help unify that community and offer support and encouragement. But I've discovered another part that keeps me motivated: I am obsessed with tracking. I track the books I read, the exercise I do, the food I eat, the money I spend, so when Nanowrimo rolls around and I can input the number of words I've written and see it come out in a neat little chart or graph, I am immediately hooked. I want to spend the month of September finishing the novel I started this month, so on my "Current Writing Projects" page I've implemented a word count bar, and I spent (probably too much of) yesterday morning creating a bar graph in Excel that has a trend line for each day's wordcount. It's not pretty, but it's functional and I'm excited to use it.

I am confident that in the years to come I will be able to use these strategies to get the words written. If I can keep up, or even increase, the amount of writing I did this year, I should be able to complete several novels over the next few years.

Now if I could just find some motivators for the editing aspect, I might actually end up with a novel I can query with someday. Advice?

Tribute

Everyone has those people that they meet who have a profound effect on their lives, changing the course ever so slightly (or, in some cases, dramatically). They pop into lives, mix things up, then disappear, leaving better people in their wake. Writers are no exception.

Throughout my life, I have met a handful of people who have heavily influenced my writing career. They have changed the way I write, the way I think about writing, how often I write. They have challenged me to become a better writer, to push myself, to write even when I don't want to, to believe in myself as a writer. If not for those few people, I would not be the writer I am today.

Which might not be saying much now, but they have shaped me and put me on a path to someday achieve greatness.

I am losing two of those people this summer.

I suppose "losing" is a bit overdramatic. They are both moving away. I know with the internet, physical distance isn't the same as it once was. But still. I will miss seeing their smiling faces.

This post is for them.

Jessi - my writing buddy. Which is an understatement. She is the writing buddy. Always willing to meet to write no matter what mood either of us are in, always motivates me to write even when I'm not in the mood to, and she holds me to our scheduled writing meetings. Because of her, I have gotten so much writing done this year. She's been a muse - a sounding board for my ideas, and often helps me resolve plot problems when I get stuck. She's been my constant companion during National Novel Writing Month, and without her support I never would have made it through Nanowrimo last year, when I was writing the most difficult thing I had ever written: real life. She's the perfect writing buddy, really. She completely understands the way my mind works. We can sit without speaking, just writing, or we can talk for hours about it. And in the middle of a conversation, if a mind wanders off and misses part of it, the other just smiles knowingly and laughs instead of being offended. She's always ready with a cup of coffee (or chai!) and a hug. I love our Sunday mornings at Panera, and I'm going to miss those terribly. Someday I hope to join her in Seattle, where we can meet at Starbucks and write every weekend.

Ted - the Boss. He really is. He is the ultimate Municipal Liaison for Nanowrimo. We struggled for years to get our small writing group off the ground, and he took charge when there was nobody else. He knows just what to say or do to get people to write, whether it's threats or challenges or insults or comforting words. He's always been there for me, driving me to write more, to write better. I trust his feedback on my writing more than anyone else. He forces me to throw more obstacles at my characters, he pushes me to go with the twist that nobody expects, and he challenges me to write outside my comfort zone. I have improved as a writer a great deal under his tutelage. Without his encouragement, I never would have been ML for Nanowrimo (and some years I might not have even finished). I am still not sure how I am going to run the group in his absence, or hold Nanowrimo together without him.

I know this is not goodbye. Not for either of them. But they've taught me what they can, they've played their roles in shaping me as a writer, and now I have to do it without relying on them. Without a net. Taking off the training wheels. Jessi will always be The Writing Buddy and Ted will always be The Boss, and they will both always be my friends, but there won't be any more Sunday mornings at Panera, ML strategy meetings, or writing group meetings at Mirth with them.

Best of luck to both of you in your new lives! Don't forget about me. I'll never forget about you. There will be book dedications to you in the future.