Thursday, October 20, 2011

The Pendulum Effect

It's no surprise to me that writers are weird, somewhat unconventional narcissists. I think most of us deal with a lack of faith in ourselves and our work on a fairly regular basis. Some of us are taught to be humble to the point of self-deprecation, but in order to be successful, we have to do a song and dance to convince people how great our work is (whether we believe it or not). It's a constant struggle for balance between confidence and modesty. I think most of us lose, because writers are mostly introverts - more comfortable hiding behind their written word. On top of it all, we all suffer from god-complexes: we are the creators of worlds and manipulators of fates. How could that not go to someone's head?

Thus, we are all slightly neurotic. I'm not just saying this based on the evidence of my own neurosis. I have read plenty of blogs written by other writers, and even talked to some of them, from best-selling to not-yet-published. My findings are pretty definitive. We're all nuts. In a good way, of course. For the most part.

The negative side of that is the debilitating depression when things aren't going well.

The positive side is the euphoric high when things do go well.

Right now, things are going fantastically well for me. I've come out of my funk, and I've been writing like a crack addict the past few days. I just can't stop. Scenes are coming together, and the the light of the tunnel is almost blinding. I am so close I can almost taste victory. Right now I have no doubt that I can knock out the rest of this book before I have to start my National Novel Writing Month project.

I will be the first to admit that I am super annoying when in this mode. I'm loud and hyper. I babble almost incoherently. I love life. I love my story and my characters. I love the boss I usually hate. I want to kiss babies and adopt puppies and solve all of my friends' problems for them. I am a plot master. If I can solve my characters conflicts with such ease, than obviously I can accomplish world peace by sheer force of will alone.

It's times like these that I love being a writer. That I know I am a writer. That I am doing exactly what I am meant to be doing.

Unfortunately, I'm rather manic when it comes to writing. I have to cling to the euphoria while I can, because the pendulum will swing back the other way and I will go back to hating everything I've ever written and bemoan the fact that I am doomed to be a writer.

But if I can just remember these high moments, it might make the low ones less crippling. I'm counting on you, friends, family, and readers, to remind me.

Did this entry make sense? I'm suffering from lack of sleep and an extreme caffeine overdose (and it's not even November yet. Yikes). Nothing is making any sense to me right now. In case you are looking for the cliffnotes to this post, here are the main points I was attempting to make:

-Writers are manic weirdos
-I am a writer, whether I love the fact or hate it on any given day.
-Monsters of Lawrence, the first draft, will be completed sometime in the next 11 days and 10 hours.

The End!

Oh, P.S. If you are a writer and you are reading this, feel free to debate whether or not you are a manic weirdo. I'd love to hear your take on it. Because it's possible that it's just me...

2 comments:

  1. i am definitely a weirdo. I think way too much about my characters than I should! I think sometimes my coworkers think I'm mad all the time because I look that way trying to solve a problem in one of my stories in my head! Great post. Thanks for sharing!

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  2. Glad to know I'm not the only weirdo! I don't even want to think about what my coworkers think of me...

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