Sunday, January 22, 2012

Giving Up - This life is not for me

I've been disappointed in myself the last few weeks. I made several resolutions as far as writing in my last post, but so far I haven't lifted a finger to attempt a single one. I haven't even been able to write one wine blog a week.

In December, I had the burnout excuse. I always take December off after the grueling pace during Nanowrimo. I felt I especially deserved the break after doing Camp Nanowrimo back to back with Nanowrimo in November.

The trouble is, I am still burned out. I have absolutely no motivation whatsoever. I haven't even been able to read lately.

Part of my excuse is that I have been a little bit preoccupied. I wrote a record number of emails in December and January, which culminated in a relationship with one of my amazing fellow writer's group members. I have been twitterpated to the point of distraction since even before our first date. Still am, most days.

But even spending as much time as I can with him, I still have a lot of down time that I am not making use of.

And I wonder if it's because I can't.

I can't face the stories I've written in order to edit them.

I received fantastic feedback from my writing group about Online Dating for Demons. But knowing what edits it needs only makes me feel inadequate. I can't fix it. It'd be better in the hands of someone else.

I finally started reading back over Monsters of Lawrence. And it sucks. The overwhelming amount of work it needs would fill a lifetime. Or at least several months using all of my free time.

I don't wanna.

And while I've toyed with a few new ideas since November, nothing at all has spoken to me. All of my old ideas seem stale. No new ideas are pressing against my brain from my subconsciousness.

I'm broken.

I'm starting to think I'm not cut out for this whole writing business thing. I will probably always write, every now and then, but it was a silly goal, trying to get published. I write for myself. For my own entertainment. For the entertainment of anyone willing to read my unedited slop. I don't have what it takes to edit, so I don't have what it takes to actually be a writer. I'm glad I found that out now instead of killing myself any more over this.

I suppose that makes me a bit of a poser, writing for the Confabulator Cafe. I've had a lot of fun being editor for it, though. It's been a lot of work, but really rewarding. It's been such a pleasure, working with all of these local writers. I hope they'll still let me contribute, even I've changed my mind about wanting to make writing my career.

I really appreciate all of their support. All of YOUR support. It's been an interesting journey. Thanks for coming along.

Monday, January 2, 2012

The Second Year

I turned 31 on Saturday. I had a lovely birthday, filled with good wishes and all of my favorite people. It made my transition from being just 30 to being IN my 30s a little less overwhelming. I think 2012 is going to be a good year.

A year ago Saturday, I made the resolution to focus on my writing career. I set the goal for myself to be published by the time I turned 40. It's hard to believe the first year is already over. Only nine years left to make my goal a reality!

But I made a lot of progress towards my goal in 2011. It was to be my year of creation, and I went above and beyond my expectations.
  • I finished the second Sally Prescott adventure story
  • I wrote a 30 pages Doctor Who fan fiction piece
  • I transcribed a story I started to write by hand several years ago that I'd like to finish
  • I finished my 107k word draft of Monsters of Lawrence
  • I finished my 55k word draft of Online Dating for Demons
  • I became editor and contributor for the writing group's Confabulator Cafe website

I pushed myself and accomplished more than I thought possible. I'm starting to believe that maybe I can do this whole writing thing.

Yesterday I made up a list of New Year's Resolutions like I always do, and the first half of them were all writing related. I have my goals set for this coming year. It's to be the year of editing. I will continue to create, but I want to focus on the rewriting process. I know I can write. I know I can finish a full length novel. Now let's see if I can clean up a novel to the point where I can start querying it. Maybe by this time next year I will be negotiating contract details. Hah.

Here is my list of writing goals for 2012:
  • Edit Monsters of Lawrence
  • Edit Online Dating for Demons
  • Edit Sally Prescott and the Haunted Treasure (and post to Scribd)
  • Write and submit 3 short stories to literary magazines
  • Write at least 2 writing blog entries a week for Prospective Writer (you are here)
  • Write at least 1 wine blog entry a week for Red Wine Reminiscence
  • If/when novels are cleaned up to final draft status, begin the querying process

I will also have my hands full with writing and editing for the Confabulator Cafe, but that's going to be a ton of fun and a great experience. My writing group is amazing.

So my December hiatus is overwith, which means it's time for me to buckle down again. I have a few more manuscripts from fellow writers to read and give feedback for, and then I have to decide which novel to begin editing first.


One last thing. I've got to put in an official plug for the group's new website! We're all very proud and excited for it. You should all come see us at the Confabulator Cafe. Meet the great people I get to work with and learn about the craft of writing. You'll be looking inside the minds of local writers and get to follow all of us on our writing journeys. I'll be posting every Tuesday, and we will have original content Monday through Friday. Leave comments, ask us questions, and enjoy the many different perspectives on life and writing.