Wednesday, November 23, 2016

November Update: Disappointed

I've put off writing this update because...I don't have much to update.

I made it three days into NaNo before I gave up. Scions of Mythos just doesn't want to be told right now, and I didn't have the heart to try something different. By the time I realized I couldn't write it, it was too late to start something new anyway.

I'm still pretty depressed and unmotivated.

The election didn't help. Everything went to hell when I was already in a bad place, so I've mostly been trying to just make it through each day however I can. Even if that means staring at the TV and not moving from the couch for hours, not writing.

I thought maybe NaNo would get me back into writing, but it didn't. The first year in over a decade that I haven't done NaNo. Or at least, quit before I hit more than a couple thousand words. I'm disappointed in myself, but I keep reminding myself that even though I can't write it now doesn't mean I'll never be able to.

I pushed myself pretty hard this year. I took advantage of the good months. I don't want to become complacent, but I feel like I've worked hard enough to allow myself some down time while I need it.

I did send my flash fiction back out. It's a slow market, so they haven't even gotten to it yet, but that's ok. I don't have to think about it much, so that's nice.I threw a few more words at a couple different stories. I had a dream that I am trying to turn in to a Cafe story. I only have a few more days before I need to finish that up, though, so hopefully I can write more than a hundred words on it over the next few days.

I don't even have that editing project I was expecting this month. I'm not the only writer suffering right now, apparently. I'm equal parts relieved and bummed. At least fiction editing I still feel confident about. Although I'm in such a funk, I don't know how well I would have done.

I really hope the holidays will knock this funk loose. I found a new therapist, I'm working on taking better care of myself, and I do love Christmas, as stressful as it is. If I can get myself feeling better emotionally, maybe I'll be able to write again.

For now, I'm taking baby steps. I'm going to try to write for the Cafe for the next few months. That's it. No novellas. No novels. No editing projects. Just....a short story a month for awhile, until I feel less overwhelmed by the bigger projects.

I got a lot done in 2016, even though it was the worst year ever. I can't lose sight of that.

Next month, I'll probably do a summary of my accomplishments and talk about my goals for next year.

But right now, I'm prepping for Thanksgiving and trying to keep my head above water.

Hope your holidays are full of happiness and love. Take care, my friends.