May Update: Hopefully finding my way back

I didn't update last month. Obviously. Partially because I forgot. But mostly because I still haven't been writing.

I didn't write in May, either.

That said. The last couple of days, I've been feeling that pull. That pull all artists know so very well. The pull to create. I toyed with the idea of painting. And I may still paint. But I've been thinking about Mystwatch a lot lately. I had an intense dream about Diana and Drexel, so they were on my mind for a few days. I decided that maybe I'd open up book 1 and see if I could get myself invested in the world, then maybe poke at book 2 edits. Work has finally slowed down, so I have time during the day, now. And I don't just want to watch hours of YouTube.

So today, I finally opened up my writing folder and took a chance. I read the first two paragraphs of book 1...and bailed.

Nope nope nope. That is not where I am right now. I was tweaking language and rethinking my opening line and just...no. It was supposed to be an immersion project, not a line editing project. Apparently I am in editing mode. Which makes sense. Every time I open that book, I want to make tweaks to make it even better. And it's not a strong enough opening for me to be immediately immersed. So. I have choices. I can either skim it until it gets to the immersion point. Or. I can skip book 1. I know that book backward and forward. I don't need to read it to edit book 2. It might help with mood, but once I settle into edits of book 2, I will be immersed enough.

But I don't think that's where my creative yearning is leading me right now.

Lighthouses. The world has been sending me lighthouses lately. So I opened up Nightmare of Sleepy Shoals after noping out of Mystwatch.

Oh. Oh yes. I was hooked by the first paragraph. This. This is the book I should be focusing on.

I could go back and tweak the first Mystwatch book until I die. It will always be a book with a slow start and a slow build. The second book will always switch plots halfway through. And the third book will always get bigger every time I read it, because there's always more I want to add to the world. For Mystwatch, I really just want to put book 2 back together and walk away. Maybe publish it so Aron can read it, with poorly designed stock photo covers. Maybe next time I visit, I can talk to him about my cover ideas, about either using the iStock photos or having Mary model for me. 

But I think it might be time to let Mystwatch go and move on. No self-publishing on Amazon for everyone to read. Just an on-demand set of books for friends and family that want to read it.

I know how to start books with a hook, now. Or at least, I did when I started Sleepy Shoals. The books I've written will always have a special place in my heart. I wouldn't be the writer I am without them. Although again, I haven't been much of a writer for over a year at this point.

But maybe I can be a better writer if I let go of the projects holding me back, and instead, move forward with new projects. Projects I started when I knew how to write a book, rather than projects I learned how to write a book with.

So, yes. I think in June, I would like to do some writing. I don't know how much, yet. And as excited as I am about Sleepy Shoals...I might actually start with Sally Prescott.

I am scared to start into a book that has such a great first chapter when I am this rusty at writing. If I can get through a SP adventure, maybe finish up the Witch's Daughter short I never finished back in January. then I will feel more confident about my ability to write this book I've built up to be so amazing in my head.

Because that's what it comes down to. It isn't that I don't have the ability. It's that I lack the confidence in my ability. I know if I just took my time, started slow, thought about each scene before I wrote it, I would be able to continue the momentum into this amazing book. But instead, I'd like to rush headlong into a Sally adventure that I don't have to think too hard or worry about.

Plus that is one of my goals this year. To finish at least one more SP adventure.

Then there's Chain Letter Choice, of course. I don't know what to do about that one. I want to finish it. I know I'm probably 20k shy of getting to the end. It's outlined. I have hashed out most of the details. Although I have forgotten everything Ewan and I talked about for the final order vs. chaos battle, so I will have to re-figure that out. But at the same time...I wonder if that's also a book I should let go of. I wanted so badly to finish it so I could be like, yes, detailed outlines work great for me. But at this point, maybe I need to give up on that idea. I may have to be an immersion writer. A discovery writer. Which might mean I spend six months at a time writing something, then don't write for six months to a year after that. As a hobbyist writer, that's totally okay. I don't have to write every month of the year. I don't even have to write every year.

But I should commit to projects and try to see them through once I start them.

So. I think tomorrow, I am going to try to finish Shadow Self. Friday, I will take a look at what I have for the next SP adventure. And then this weekend, maybe I will do some writing.

It's too damn hot out to do anything else. Summer is here, and outdoor adventures of my own are no fun anymore. Time to escape into other people's worlds.

Escape is good. While I am doing much, much better (after being sick with COVID for the first three weeks of May), I am still not 100% healthy yet. I am confident I will be, soon. But I have just enough energy for something creative, and not quite enough to do more than camp in the backyard or go for short hikes.

I feel optimistic about June. I just need to make sure I make time and make a point to write.

Even if I'm scared. Even if I'm rusty. Even if it's hard. Because it always is. Whether I'm coming back to it after a long break, or if I've been doing it almost every day for a year. It's always hard.

And honestly, that's one of the reasons it's so rewarding.