Tentative

Well, I think I did jinx it. And the shift I felt must have been gas.

Ok, that's not entirely fair.

But I might have been a bit premature in my prediction that I was back to writing again. Script Frenzy didn't work out, I almost quit the Confabulator Cafe, and I almost resigned myself to never being a writer. Again.

I won't say that things are better. Not now. Not yet. But I think they are getting better. I've analyzed my writer's block and have found the source. This week at the Confabulator Cafe, we're talking about when we feel good about our writing, and reading all my fellow Confabulator's posts, I'm reminded why I used to write in the first place.

For the love of it - the way I feel when I'm creating something from nothing, something new. For getting lost in my own mind for hours. For those moments when my conscious mind lets go and the story seems to write itself. To write the story I want to read.

So I'm tentatively dipping my toe in the water. Writing a couple of short stories that will never see the light of day. Stories I probably won't even edit. And then June 1st I will begin Camp Nanowrimo. I hope to have better success with that then Script Frenzy. Camp Nano was great for me last year, so I can only hope it is just as good this year.

I'm not saying it's time to try again. I'm saying it's time to see if it's time to try again.

Writing Streak

I hate to jinx it...but I've written three nights in a row now. Tonight it should be four.

I haven't been writing large quantities. Just a flash fiction on Monday, and blog posts for the Confabulator Cafe on Tuesday and Wednesday. Tonight is a planning meeting for Script Frenzy, so I hope to do some brainstorming for my script idea, which will include a little writing.

It's not much. But it's a start. And I feel a shift.

I've been miserable for awhile. Weeks, really. A lot of it was being sick, or miserable weather, or frustration at work, all compounded by the fact that I wasn't getting any exercise.

But I think the biggest reason for my misery was fear and loss. Writing is such a huge part of who I am. I wasn't writing, so I felt like I had lost myself, and I was afraid I'd never get that part of myself back again.

I was trying to force it before, too. I'm not sure I was ready. But this week I'm feeling it again. And I'm starting to get excited for Script Frenzy. I started with an idea I didn't like all that much, but it has been ballooning into absolute craziness in my mind the last few days. I think I can do a lot more with it than I initially thought.

And that is what I missed so much. What I wasn't feeling before. The ideas! The ideas colliding into each other in my mind, and the characters chattering about what they were going to do in these ridiculous situations. It's all starting. And I think I've found myself again.

And can you locate all of the sentences I started with a conjunction in this post? I didn't say I was back to writing well, just that I was writing again.

I ought to knock on wood when I say that, though. I really hope this sticks.

Frenzied

Two weeks of silence this time, instead of a month. I'm slowly getting back on track. Part of the reason I've been off track hasn't been so much lack of motivation, but lack of energy because I've been fighting with the zombie plague that has been going around. Three weeks I've been sick. I'm finally starting to feel more like myself today, so it's the first day I've really thought about writing.

Well, that's not entirely true. I thought about writing yesterday.

I finally made a decision on something I have been waffling about for about a year. I've decided to participate in Script Frenzy in April this year. This is a script writing event hosted by the same organization that does National Novel Writing Month and Camp Nanowrimo. This will be my first year attempting it. I haven't written a screenplay since my second to last semester of college, so I am a little bit nervous. Writing scripts has a lot more rules than writing novels does. It's never been a medium I've been too interested in, but my wonderful significant other is a script writer, so he's participating, and the Municipal Liaison for the Kansas region asked for a co-ML, so I signed up. I'm committed now. I will be writing next month whether I like it or not. Ready or not, here it comes.

So I spent yesterday reading about the different types of scripts I could write, and figuring out what story idea to use. I've decided on a TV script. I am going to re-visit the Offbeat Adventures of Sally Prescott world and write two episodes for Sally and her crew.

I don't have any other news on the writing front. I've forgiven myself for not writing much the last couple of weeks now that I'm signed up for Script Frenzy. I made an attempt at writing a short story, but only got about 330 words in. It's an interesting introduction with some interesting characters and an interesting world, but I have no idea where to go with it. I've also put finding an anthology/journal for Virus on a back burner again. I'll try again later. I'm going to have to do some more extensive research to find the right places to submit it and I am just not driven enough to try right now.

It's the pressure of my fellow writing group members submitting and getting published that has caused this frenzied need to do something with my writing. But I need to remember that I'm not in competition with them. This is my own journey that I need to take at my own pace. And it's ok to take pit stops along the way.