January Update: Seasonal Depression and Changing Goals

While I've only been regularly updating for the whole last year, the one reoccurring theme over the last five years this blog has existed is my eternal struggle with winter. I've finally admitted to myself that I suffer from pretty acute SAD (seasonal affective disorder). The dark, cold months at the beginning of the year send me to an even darker place inside of me. Half the time I don't even realize I'm there. One of the biggest challenges with this mood downturn is it affects my motivation, not only for day-to-day things like chores, but fun stuff like hanging out with friends and writing.

The first week of January was lost to this mood, until one of my good friends checked in on me, and the rest of my friends helped dig me out. I'm doing better now, although I'm still fighting with a cold, hoping it doesn't turn sinus infection.

In the midst of this low mood, I dug into Monsters of Lawrence, as I had planned to do this January. That first day was terrible. I skimmed through the first paragraph of the first twenty or so chapters, and was shocked and sickened by how mundane and downright poorly written it was in so many places. This is not a novel that showcases my writing talent. So during that day, I almost quit. This novel needed so much more than the quick cleanup job I thought it needed.

However, the next day, I tore into it. Ok, so it needs more work than I expected. I know what it needs, at least. With my sharpened editorial skills I've honed over the last two years, I began intensive surgery. I cut apart chapters, I spliced chapters together, I breathed new life into dead scenes and sentences, all the while working to implement the changes I had discussed with my beta readers.

I've been working on it nearly every day for the last week now. It's slow going, folks. But, I already feel a thousand times more confident about it. It's still a mess. I compared it to cleaning a closet: you have to pull everything out, creating a gigantic, disorganized mess before you can start to put things back in a more organized, logical way. It will take at least another pass once I'm done tearing this draft apart to clean up any scars I've left, make sure I didn't leave any surgical implements inside the body. But it should be better, faster, stronger when I'm done rebuilding. The bones are good. Most of the second half of the book only needs minor adjustments.

In light of this project, though, I got to thinking about my collection. The little collection that could. My sad attempt to be part of the cool kids table at Conquest. It's not meant to be, friends. I examined my reasons for wanting to put it together, and the work doesn't justify the end result. So, for now, I will continue to write short stories each month for the Cafe, and maybe someday, once I have a novel or two published and some fans who like me, I'll self-publish a collection.

The only thing I lament after coming to this decision is that it will be that much longer until my gorgeous cover sees the light of day. So I am sharing it here, so at least it is out there. Enjoy, friends. You saw it here first.

December Update: Year End and Year Ahead

Well, I stuck it out through NaNo last month and reached the end of my manuscript. I'm glad I did. While it's really more of an outline (like the outside edges of a puzzle, some people have said), I am really happy with the finished product. It gives me another marketable novel/series I can work on.

I've spent the weeks since NaNo going back over old manuscripts. I now have a plan of action as far as the top three novels I want to clean up and try to sell. Monsters of Lawrence is obviously first. My new Druid Wars book is next (it needs a new title: the current one is terrible). And the third, believe it or not, is my other book from 2011, Online Dating for Demons (also needs a new title, but that's sticking for now). I hated that book so much when I was done writing it, but reading back over it, I was absolutely entranced. It needs some work, but it's got a solid foundation and it has already been through beta readers.

I am still kind of poking at the first Druid Wars book, but once I get past the holidays, I will hit MoL revisions hard. After that, I may try to clean up the Druid Wars book for beta readers before diving into ODD edits.

That's the novel plan. Hah. Novel. Get it? Novel?

Ehem.

I am also going back over every short story I've ever written to decide what goes into my collection (the title for that will be Those Who Wander, and it will be put out by Bottle Cap publishing sometime in May 2016). I'm figuring out which ones are good, which ones need edits, and which ones should never see the light of day again. I'm writing at least three new short stories for it, as well. I had to pull two of them, because they were accepted for publication in other places. Which is fine. Kind of exciting.

So yeah, that is my plan for next year. At some point, maybe after ConQuest (where I will hopefully not only join the Bottle Cap Publishing table, but also speak on a handful of panels), there will also be Verdancy Publishing to think about. Maybe do something with. But I can only think really seriously about the next six months right now. Even that is a little overwhelming.

But, then I just look back at this year and all of the stuff I have accomplished, and it doesn't seem completely insurmountable.

Because in 2015, I:
-Wrote 10 short stories for the Cafe
-Had three short stories accepted for publication
-Wrote a 50,000 word novel
-Cleaned up MoL and sent it to beta readers
-Made a plan for (and started writing the next installment of) the Adventures of Sally Prescott serial
-Spoke on two panels at ConQuest
-Won honorable mention for the fall 24-hour short story contest
-Bought a cover for my short story collection
-Bought the domain for a publishing company
-Made notes for a choose-your-own-adventure zombie novel
-Successfully managed the Lawrence Region for Nanowrimo
-Edited two full-length Muse novels for R.L. Naquin
-Edited a science fiction anthology
-Proofread a horror collection
-Edited all of the short stories in Jack's collection

On top of that, I also got married, adopted a puppy, and ran eleven out of twelve monthly writing meetings.

I'm really doing this, guys. I'm living the writing and editing dream. Sometimes the drudgery and rejection are hard, but I've accomplished so much. My whole writing group, and Jack, we've all accomplished so much. I have this feeling that next year will be even better.

These monthly accountability posts have also helped a lot. It not only helps me keep revisiting my goal, but also revising them to be more realistic. And man, it's cool to see how much I've accomplished.

Thanks for sticking with me this year, if anyone still reads. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season, and I will check in with you sometime during the first month of the new year!

Bring it on, 2016. I'm ready for you.

November Update: NaNoWriMo

With the arrival of November comes yet another National Novel Writing Month. My eleventh year participating (although if I'm honest, it's really only the tenth year I've committed to it: the first year I wrote a thousand words then quit). My seventh year as municipal liaison.

And I'm tired.

I was tired last year, but decided to keep on keeping on. I'll get excited by the time next NaNo rolls around, I thought to myself. I'll have the time and energy to keep the region afloat. Besides, even if I don't, I have a co-ML and a whole region full of veterans to back me up.

The trouble is, we're all tired. NaNo has been an amazing way to bring us together and encourage us to develop a writing practice...but the thing is, we've all been doing it for so long, that nothing much changes in November. We already write every week. We already go out once a month to socialize. We have all taken our writing to the next level, to the point where the idea of writing quantity over quality for fifty-thousand words is ludicrous.

So we're at a weird turning point with NaNo. None of us want to lead next year. We'd all participate if one of it is, but there have been talks of mass exodus. Would anyone take over if we all disappeared? It's hard to say.

And while we can't all stick around with nostalgia as our only region, I do feel the need to leave the region in good hands before I quit. It's true, I may burn out (I may already be burned out: I've been late to every event I've gone to, I've skipped events, I have made other people write pep talks and make event reservations) if I don't quite now, but as much as NaNo and this town have done for me, I feel a lot of responsibility to take care of it. Like putting my parents in a nursing home, or something. I can't just leave them at their house, knowing their health may fail at any moment.

From a professional standpoint, it's probably time for me to retire. Trying to run a freelance editing business, write end edit my own novels, write for the Cafe every month, put out a short story collection, and potentially start a publishing company...I need my Novembers to be free and flexible. I can spend a few hours each month making sure all of the writing functions happen every month, but it's hard to put together and attend 3-5 events a week for a month. Even if it's only a month.

Part of this might be the Week Two Blues for NaNo. Some of it might be that Jack has already basically given up writing this month. Part of it might be the continued rejection of stories I think are really good. A lot of it is that I've been sick and exhausted.

I'm going to finish out this NaNo, though. I may not hit fifty thousand words. I may be the most uninspiring ML ever. The region may suffer a bit from my lack of enthusiasm. But I'll see it through this year. And next year, I may need someone to slap the ML application out of my hands.

Because unless someone takes it away from me, I will probably keep doing it forever.

It's probably a good thing I'm not doing weekly posts on the Cafe for NaNo this month. I've had nothing good to say about the event this year.

Even my novel, that was going so well the first week, I've started to dislike and not want to work on anymore. So. Right on track, basically. My pattern is that I finally get into it once I hit thirty thousand, so if I can just write ten thousand more words, it should get easier.

At least I am not alone.I have a whole bunch of writing friends to help me through this.