2021 Q4 Update: I have no idea what I'm doing

It's a little early to call for the end of this quarter, as we're just barely past the two week mark in December, but. This is my last day "at work" before the holidays hit. I've met myself. If any writing was going to get done this month, it would have happened already. Of course, I do plan on attending write-ins at Rachel's the next two Wednesdays, so I may ultimately have more to report. But at most, it'll be two more hours of work on some project or another. So. Not substantial.

Or actually, rather substantial, since in the last quarter, I've gone about two months without doing any work at all. I did zero writing in November. Which is consistent with last year, as well. The month that used to be the only writing I ever did has now become a month I never write at all. Although I will say I had some regrets about halfway through the month that I hadn't given it a try. I was still committed to finishing my forestry class at that point, though, so the timing wasn't in my favor. Next year. Next year, regardless of what I'm doing, I think I'd at least like to start a NaNo project. Of course, that's a year away. My feelings may change between now and then. But that's one of my goals for next year. To do an Actual NaNo again. I haven't fully committed to NaNo since Chain Letter Choice in 2018 (although I was a rebel that year, because I counted other writing toward my goal that month...but 41k words was a single project, so I still count that as a major win).

Ehem. But before I dive into goals, I do want to take a moment to look back at this year. Or this quarter, first, I guess.

Since the end of September, I have written 373 words and spent two hours editing.

Okay, that was a quick update.

Ugh. It's sad that I have only worked three days in the last two and a half months. One of the days was yesterday, because I knew this blog post was coming up! I've just been at such a weird place with writing this year. I talked about it in several blog posts on my private blog. It's just not a passion of mine anymore. I still enjoy it, sometimes. I will still continue to do it. But for over a decade, all of my energy was directed toward my dream of wanting to make writing and editing my life. Maybe I didn't do actual work every day, but I thought about it every day. I made steps toward it at least a bit every week.

I'm not sure what broke me or when, but the passion I felt for it has faded. I still like having written. I still love going back to read things I've written. And I definitely want to finish up some projects. But when I lost the drive to become a published author, when I stopped wanting to find a way to support myself with my writing, I could never quite rekindle the momentum. The dream died, and so did my drive to reach it. Now, writing has been just a thing I do sometimes, like all my other artsy hobbies. And those come and go on whims. And when I don't want to do it, there's no consequence for not. Nothing about my life changes if I don't write. Without a goal I'm excited about (get shit done doesn't seem to meet the SMART goal criteria), nothing holds me to any sort of writing practice.

Maybe that's what I need to do. Set a concrete writing goal. Or goals. And that way, I can make steps toward them even if I don't feel like working. I have to find a reason to push through. I've been gentle with myself long enough. So. I am going to make goals, SMART goals, and I am going to work to reach them next year.

Hah! This blog was actually going to be a "should I give up" debate. I changed direction on myself at the last minute. So much has been telling me to let go of that part of my life. But y'know what? I read the ending of MystWatch 3 again yesterday, and it was damned good. Yes, there are things that I want to change. That need changing. It's almost 150k words. Cutting is necessary. But. There's so much good stuff in there. MystWatch is and always will be my passion project. Sometimes I'm not in the mood to live there, but I always kind of want to check in on those characters. I've had so many ideas for spinoffs and shorts. So, yes. I would like to keep working in that world.

So I've determined my main goal as a writer is to work through the three books and get them as clean and tight as I can get them. Book 1 is so close. There may be one or two last little things that bug me, but I think it's basically ready for just a proofread by someone other than me at this point. Book 2 needs huge developmental edits. Book 3 probably does, as well. But they are written. Everything I want is on the page. I can spend the next year fixing book 2 and making plans for what I want to fix in book 3. I might actually start with book 3. Do an editing treatment on it and make some minor fixes as I go. That may or may not get me excited about fixing book 2, but that's where my mind is right now. The time for book 2 will come. Sometime in the next year, hopefully.

Ultimately, I want to edit all three books up so that all they need is a copy edit (book 2 and 3) and then a proofread. Then, I can go about covers and self-publishing them. Not for sale. I mean, sure, for sale. But mostly so my family and I can hold the copies in our hands. I am inclined to tweak those three books for another decade, but if what's what it takes, that's what it takes. I want this mediocre trilogy about vampires and revenge printed in my hands before I turn 50.

So that's my first goal next year. Get started on figuring out what edits book 3 needs, then dive into book 2 and do as much as I can.

My second goal for next year is to finish writing Chain Letter Choice. I may never do anything with that book, but I want it written. It may end up like Dating for Demons and just sit on my harddrive never doing anything. But there are some lovely moments in that book, and since I figured out how it ends, I want to write it. It's definitely a slog most days, but it's the first book I've outlined scene by scene. If I can finish the book and have it be semi-decent, I know I can keep writing books with my new, less-urgent pace. Because the only way I was able to write books before was by being completely immersed in the world and fumbling around until the story emerged. With an outline that has the scenes and pacing figured out ahead of time (people always whine about story structure, but I think I've always been pretty good at that), I can spend the precious times I actually write to do what I do and transfer a rough sketch of a scene into something that makes me cry. Or otherwise feel things.

Anyway. There was some digression there, but I wanted to explain to my future self why that goal is important. The book itself is meh. But the idea behind it will provide important data. The data being, what kind of writer am I now? Can I write intermittently throughout the year as long as I have detailed notes on what I'm supposed to be doing? Or do I have to go back to the old ways, where I did NaNo and Camp NaNo and write by fully immersing myself for a month or two then taking several months off as a break? If I do an actual NaNo next year, and also finish CLC, I will have that data.

The third goal I have is to finish season 2 of Sally Prescott. Which means writing two adventures. That is going to be HARD. Because I'm kind of stuck on this fourth adventure of this season, and episode five is kind of nebulous in my head. But I'm so ready to get to season 3. The first adventure there is mostly written. I know it's silly, but I really would like to write all 25 adventures one of these days. I'm nearly halfway there. Nearly. Or will be at the end of next year, if I do this. If I make my goal to have all 25 done by the time I turn 50, I will have to write two a year. So, yeah. That's my goal. To write two SP adventures a year until it's done. Maybe even including the first full-length novel. Hah!

I think those three goals are pretty lofty. But wait. There's one more. I think it'll rely on me being able to finish CLC, but I think if that works how I want it to, I should then try to outline Druid Wars book 2. So I can write that next. I'd also like to do some more concrete outlining of Sleepy Shoals. Either that or leave Sleepy Shoals as my NaNo attempt (which would mean not doing a detailed outline).

Okay, let's step back a sec. I've only written about 27k words this year that weren't brainstorming or outlining words (31.5k if you count those). Now I'm talking about writing not only 60k words, between SP and CLC...but also another 50k during NaNo?? AND editing at least one MystWatch book???

Hmm. Well. If November is NaNo. And December I decide to do nothing. That leaves 10 months to work on these other goals. That's only 6k words a month. I average over 7k words on a good month. Let's say two of those months, I edit exclusively. That's 7.5k words a month throughout eight writing months.

I can do that. I really can do that. I have done that.

That's a lot of writing for someone who thought about giving up for two years. But. With concrete goals, I think I can do it.

I will do my best to go to the Wednesday write-ins every week. There are three of those, plus the writing meeting. I can get about a thousand words written at those. So that's half of my wordcount goal right there. That means I need to make time to write outside of that. I never made it to the Saturday night Discord write-ins, so I can't rely on those. I think I may have to make a weekend morning routine of sitting and writing. Sunday is usually dog park day, so maybe Saturday mornings, I get up and drink my coffee while I try to write. Jack usually goes to practice Saturday mornings, so that will be nice, quiet time on Saturdays. Rather than spending that time watching TV, like I have been. Maybe I'll even let myself have some sort of special writing snack with my coffee. Coffee cake or cookies or something.

So, four Saturdays and three Wednesdays. That's seven days. That's usually my goal per month, anyway. And if I average 1k per session, that's pretty close to my goal.

To make these goals easier to reference, here's the plan:

• Finish writing Chain Letter Choice (~30k words)
  
• Finish SP 2.4 and write SP 2.5 (~33k words)
  
• Finish developmental edit on MystWatch 2
• Do an editing treatment on MystWatch 3
• Do a detailed outline of Druid Wars 2
• Participate in NaNoWriMo 2022
• To accomplish these goals, set aside writing time every Wednesday evening and Saturday morning, aiming for a thousand words per session
  

Apparently I'm not giving up on writing. Even though every post on my personal blog for the last month has talked about how I don't want to write, but I want to want to write. I guess I'm going to make myself. At least for next year. If I still hate it, if I still get no joy from it, if I don't make progress on these goals, maybe I'll revisit the idea of quitting. But. I didn't give it an honest try this past year. This year, I will. I've given myself goals and a structure. Time to get to work.

But before I do, can I just say, I did accomplish these things this year:

• Wrote just shy of 32k words (27k of those words moving stories forward
• Spent 31 hours editing
• Finished writing SP 2.3 and started SP 2.4 (and wrote an outline for it)
• Wrote over 7k words on Chain Letter Choice (and figured out the ending)
• Started developmental edit for MystWatch 2
• Brainstormed ideas for several short stories, including a MystWatch short
• Poked at Once We Were Witches and Nightmare of Sleepy Shoals throughout the year
• Went to most of the monthly writing meetings and several of the write-ins
• Wrote quarterly updates for this blog
  

Not the most productive year I've had, but I did make some progress on some things. I also revived this blog. That was a big one. I decided to keep doing quarterly updates, even when progress was slow. It's kept me accountable and in-touch.

That's my other goal for next year. Keep up with the quarterly updates. I'd like to see how this works out. Especially with all the other activities I want to incorporate next year. I'm trying to find passion next year. Who knows. Maybe it'll be rekindled in writing.

Have a good holiday season, everyone. I hope to do a bit more work before the calendar clocks over to 2022, but I won't be in touch again until after the end of the first quarter next year! See you then.