July Update: Rest and (hopefully) Rejuvenation

I had big ambitions for July. I wanted to write something like 12k and finish writing Chain Letter Choice.

Instead, I busted my ass finishing Lisa's copy edit, and then devolved into zero motivation to write.

Truth is, I'm tired. Not physically, really. Mentally and emotionally. I tried to write a few times, but after a big push early in the month (before I dove too deeply into copy edits), words became a struggle. I am not sure if it's because the scene is hard or if I am just not in a writing frame of mind. Either way, whenever I had plans to write the last week, I couldn't quite manage it.

So, with five days left in the month, and two of those where I will be out of town, I've decided to call it. I managed to write 3,500 words on CLC, and for right now, I'm happy with that. No, it's not finished. No, I didn't get 12k or even 8k. But I made progress. That's all I can really ask of myself, especially when I'm this...antsy? About writing.

I'm feeling a little down about the trajectory of my writing "career" these days. Watching Lisa and her success is both motivating and exhausting. I admire her hard work and drive, but I do not have that in me. I'm not even sure I want to. Which brings me back around to, I'm writing because I want to tell these stories and finish things I've started. Which...isn't always motivating to get work done when I don't feel like it and have twelve other things I should be doing.

I would still like to finish CLC this year. Maybe I'll manage it in August. If not, I'll put off the next SP adventure and push through in September and into October, if I need to. I think finishing this is more important than the next SP. And probably even more important than Mystwatch 2. Yes, I took book 2 apart and need to put it back together again, but what's the rush? Right now, if I go back to Mystwatch, I kinda want to work on the first Shane novel. Novella? I'm not sure yet. I just cannot get excited about book 2. I've never been particularly excited about it. And honestly, the longer I wait to work it out, the more experience I will have fixing structural issues with books. I don't want to have to take it apart and put it back together again, so I need to be sure to do it right this time, if I can.

Anyway. Yeah. Chain Letter Choice is my priority for the rest of the year. And...I think...I might spend some of October brainstorming for Druid Wars 2. So that I can give it a go in November. So I can spend a few months next year wrapping that up, rather than spending the whole damn year writing it.

If I do that, I'll have more time for SP and maybe even edits for Mystwatch 2 in 2023.

As much as I'd love to get everything I'd planned on doing this year done, I know it's not going to happen. So now I need to decide where my focus should be. And I think I'd rather do Druid Wars, a world and characters I know, then starting a whole new world I still know nothing about for NaNo. I honestly believe I might need to step it back a notch, the number of projects per year, so I have down time to think and brainstorm and, honestly, rest.

Because Lisa is planning on putting out three books a year for awhile. At least this year and next. And if Rachel does even one or two books, that's something like five months out of the year I won't have time or maybe energy to write. I've decided the freelance editing takes precedence. For now. For the money. For the experience. For the time for me to really think about what it is I want out of writing.

Right now, I want to keep writing so I have something to talk about with my friends. And that's...not a great reason. I also want to finish things, which is a slightly better reason.

I guess another reason, one I lose sight of sometimes, is that I love having written. Turning a sentence from an outline into an emotional scene is just magical. Reading something I've read and laughing because I left myself a joke is amazing. And crying because I put to words a thought or feeling that is really powerful is, quite frankly, more rewarding than I can express.

So yeah. Those are the main reasons I write. That's good to remember. But it's also good to remember that sometimes, when I'm tired and spread too thin and putting too much pressure on myself to do All The Things, I lose those moments. Or at least don't take as much joy in them.

So. Yes. Camp NaNo was a bust. That may not bode well for NaNo proper. But I like to think by letting myself off easy this month, November will be easier. I don't want to go into NaNo exhausted. I need to be rested and excited and motivated. And I will do what I can in the months leading up to it to ensure that happens.

Next month, hopefully I have an update with more actual progress. But it's August. So we'll see if I hide in writing, or avoid writing entirely. I'd be happy with a healthy balance between those two things!