August Update: A needed (if not wanted) break

This will be a short update. I did not write in August.

There. That's the update.

Although me being me, obviously I have more to say about it than that. Mostly that I didn't necessarily want or plan to take a break this month. Especially with last month being a kind-of break. But, as it turns out, I did manage to burn myself out a bit, I think, with even the casual goals I made.

Or I guess burnout isn't necessarily accurate. I just...don't want to write right now. Every time I settled down to write in July, it felt bad. This month, just thinking about writing felt bad. I felt loathing and disgust for all of my stories. None of my worlds were interesting. All of my characters were annoying. And I just didn't care what happened to any of them.

That realization hit about midway through the month, and rather than trying to salvage it, I just checked in with myself a few times to see if I felt differently. I never did, so I finally let it go.

I don't know what happened. I don't know if the month of August's energy is just off, or if it has to do with the moon or my energy level or what I've been reading lately. Or if it's just like every hobby that ebbs and flows.

Because as much as I have illusions of making money writing someday in retirement, the honest to goodness truth is that writing has become a hobby. And my hobbies I tend to pick up and put down as the mood strikes me.

As a hobby, there's a lot of "oh, I should do this thing," and then not doing it, then kind of shrugging of shoulders and realizing I didn't really want to do it that badly to begin with if I didn't make time for it. There's really no reason to push myself harder than that now that writing is only a hobby.

It is true that I have things I want to get finished. I have novels I want to finish, series I want to finish. And I have new things I want to start. But there are only so many hours in a day and I have a finite amount of energy. The last month, I've been focused on getting myself outside, moving my body, trying to find a balance of the things I consume. I spent a lot of this year fighting depression, and now that I'm connecting with nature again, that has subsided. I only cried for about ten seconds on Mom's birthday yesterday, and was only sad for about an hour.

I don't by any means believe I am done writing. The desire to return to my worlds and my characters and tell their stories will come back. It always does. But I don't want to force it. There's just no reason. My life is shifting focus. I just got a big raise at work, so I'm committed to seeing this through til retirement. I have savings plans in place to make sure I don't have to work in retirement unless I want to. I had thought about putting aside freelance money to fund the self-publishing of Mystwatch. But right now, I'd rather put that money toward other goals.

So, yeah. As of right now, this last day of August, I haven't written for over a month, and I feel okay about it. I may give it more of a shot in September. But I do have another freelance project coming, so I may focus on that instead.

At the very least, I will probably do some thinking and some shifting of my schedule to see what all I can still commit to finishing this year. Mystwatch 2 is definitely off the table. I just need to decide between CLC and SP. And then decide what my plan is for November. Whether I actually do NaNo or not. Or a half NaNo.

I will let y'all know how September turns out. Hopefully with more words written than the last two months combined! Take care, and have a great month.