December Update: A Long Rest

So, my unintentional break ended up being more of an extended rest. The last few months have been difficult as far as my creativity goes. I've wanted to want to write, but in all honesty...it's been a relief not to. I go through this phase every now and then, where it's nice to pretend this isn't something I have to do.

Although more than that, I just haven't wanted to write. None of my stories felt interesting. I hated all of my characters. The physical act of writing sounded absolutely wretched. I couldn't even bring myself to read anything I'd written before. That's sometimes how I entice myself back to writing after a long break. Go back and read stuff I've written. It reminds me that I am a good writer and I do enjoy it. That I have lots of ideas and I do love my characters and worlds.

Finally, earlier this month, I was able to do that. I read some stuff I'd written and smiled. I am interested in my characters and my worlds again. But I'm still not ready to actually write, yet. I think I'm getting closer, but I'm still just worn so thin as far as writing inspiration. It won't take much to fray and give out, again.

So, I've decided to take the rest of this month to continue my long rest, as it were. No pressure. I've been doing some crafting and water color to meet my artistic needs, and that seems like enough, for now. I've also been reading a bunch. And even talking to my friends about writing, a bit.

The long and short of it is, even though I'm not writing now, I'm open to writing again sometime. I do hope it's sooner rather than later, but I can wait. I still have stories to tell. Books to finish. Ideas to play around with. Edits to make. To what end, I'm still not sure. Lisa seems convinced that I will publish, eventually. I'm not sure if I will or not. I'm not even sure I'm writing for anyone other than myself, at this point. Which is part of why it's hard to get motivated. And if I do the whole "maybe I will publish for just my small group of friends and family" to get motivated, it doesn't take long for that to blow up into "but maybe I will go ahead and publish on this publishing schedule and make all this money and write all these things."

It's such a delicate line to walk. And I fall off, a lot. Which is why I keep ending up here, after what looked like it was going to be such a productive year of getting things done, and instead, I stagnate halfway through.

Still, it's important to look back at what I have accomplished.

• I wrote 32k on Chain Letter Choice this year. That should have wrapped it up. It didn't. But I'm getting so much closer to the end, now.
• I spent a month on Mystwatch book 2, editing and making a plan for future edits. That included writing and scrapping a whole chapter.
• I finished SP 2.4, writing 20k words on it.
• I also edited three books for Lisa and a novella for Rachel.
• I brainstormed a lot of ideas and wrote some fanfic notes. Even started a couple of short stories.

So, despite not reaching all of my goals, I made really good progress. I don't want to lose sight of that.

My goal for next year is to check in with my writing each month and see how I feel. If I feel like writing, I will poke at projects. 

Projects with priority are

• Finish CLC
• Write a SP adventure
• Work on Mystwatch 2 edit
• Outline my next book (whether it's Druid Wars 2 or the first Shane novella or something else entirely new).

Mostly, finish up the things I didn't get to this year. Bonus things would be to finish two SP adventures instead of just one, actually finish the Mystwatch 2 edit, and actually start on my next book. But I'm going to aim small in hopes that I come out ahead, rather than aiming high and falling short, yet again.

I think I might take NaNo off my list of goals entirely. I love the idea of writing with abandon for a whole month to end up with 50k of a novel, but in reality, I'd rather go into it with a solid outline and take two or three months to write a solid 50k, not a rambling 50k. I do miss the idea of an exploration draft. But I just don't think I'm that kind of writer anymore. I can't go into something without a plan. Not the things I want to write, whether those are sequels or second-world fantasy stories. I think that, even though it's not done, I've shown with CLC that I can write off a detailed outline. And that I can spend two solid months writing the same book. I could probably do three, if I needed to, and that should be enough, if I'm fully immersed in a project, to write 45-60k.

Ugh. Why am I so slow?

Ugh. Why does it matter? This race is only with myself, and it's not even a race. It's...I don't know. I guess that's the problem. The goals keep changing, and what writing means to me keeps changing.

At any rate. I have lots of reflecting to do the next year. To answer those questions. To see if I can figure out what this is and when I need it and when I'm pushing too far or too hard. So. This blog isn't done. I still have lots of contemplation about writing to do and process. But this is my end-of-year post. This is it for this year.

I'll check back at the end of January to update on how things are going. Maybe they will be the same. Maybe January will be more thinking and flirting with writing and resting and crafting and painting.

But maybe, just maybe, I'll throw some words at a blank page or wrangle some existing ones that are mine and not someone else's.

We'll see.

Until then, farewell, 2022. Thank you for a year with more productivity than I probably deserved. And welcome 2023. May you be filled with creativity and joy.