The Dark Side of Book Obsession

Sometimes I fall too far into myself. When I do, the books I read or the stories I write become more real than my real life. I get lost in the endless landscapes of other worlds, befriend characters that were spun from other writers' minds, get so caught up in the events of these fictional people's lives that mine doesn't seem all that important anymore.

When this happens, I withdraw. I curl up inside my mind and I avoid friends and family. I avoid my responsibilities. When I'm not reading, I feel like an aimless zombie. The emotions that the characters feel are boundless compared to what I can feel. I hate finishing a book. When that story comes to an end, I feel empty.

I ask myself, do I exist at all? Am I simply a container for these stories, these characters, these worlds in which to reside? I have seen more imaginary worlds than I have seen of this world I live in. I live more in my head than I ever have in this actual world.

Books manipulate me. I am not who I once was after I read them. Each one changes me ever so slightly. I can never go back to what I was before.

I used to think my book buying obsession was an unhealthy one. I've cured myself of the buying, but now I realize that the unhealthy obsession is the books themselves, not whether I possess them.

They possess me. Every now and then, a book will suck down my soul and won't let go. Nothing else matters. I am a slave to the book I am reading. Once I start, I cannot stop. Not for food, not for bodily function, not for sleep. Nothing else matters except that I keep reading. Rushing inevitably to the emptiness I will feel when it is done, and I look at the clock, and realize I have been reading all night.

Will I ever write a book that will compell someone to stay up all night reading it?

I Found Number Four!

I knew there was something I was forgetting last entry, and I finally remembered what it was. It was a quick input/output I wanted to do.

As you probably already know, I read a lot. I feel it's as essential for a writer to read as it is to write. Ehem. Sorry. Soapbox. So. As an avid reader, I've read a lot of novelists' first books. I've found that first published novels fall into two categories. One: the book has such a good idea, and there really is something shiny about it, but the writing has some room for improvement. In these cases (even with Stephanie Meyer - please don't throw shoes at me for saying this), the following books are always leaps and bounds better written as the novelist refines his or her style and voice. Practice makes perfect and all.

In the second category: the book is absolutely phenomenal. This story idea has been peculating in the author's mind since birth and has grown and morphed into the best book it can be over the years.

Obviously, I'm hoping that my first novel will fall in the second category. I have a feeling it'll be the first, though. But I think I'm ok with that.

Anyway. I digress.

What I wanted to tell you is that I am reading The Warded Man, by Peter V. Brett right now, and this is a book that blows the second category's mind. It's not like the Cassandra Clare novels that I love because they were the books I wanted to write. This is an epic fantasy so sublime that I could never hope to write anything nearly as amazing. This world is rich and vibrant and extensive. The characters are complex and varied, and very real people. And the writing - oh my goodness the writing - is brilliant: paced just right, with strategically placed world building that makes the backdrop vivid without bogging the story down, it has a fantastic balance of action, narrative, dialog, and backstory; and it is the easiest thing in the world to read, direct entertaining, without the typical flowery, distracting description that most fantasy novels are known for.

What I am saying is, first and foremost, if you like fantasy, you will love this book. It's a series, I believe. It has one sequel out, and it looks like the next one will be out sometime in 2012.

What I am also saying is that books like this discourage the hell out of me. I look at the novels I've partially written and vaguely finished, and I can't even begin to hold a candle to this author's blaze.

But then I read blog posts from my writing group buddy, R.L. Naquin, that remind me It's Not a Competition, and I realize I should stop comparing myself to other writers.

My first novel will be amazing in its own right, regardless of whether it lands in the first or second category.

And besides...sometimes those folks in the second category never write another book, or another book as good as their first. I plan on writing dozens of books, each better than the last. The only person I am in competition with is myself.

The Input/Output for Camp Nanowrimo

Urban fantasy has been the rising star genre lately. I'll admit, I read a lot of it. It's always so jam packed full of action and horror and fantastical creatures and, as long as it's not YA, some sex thrown in (although even then, sometimes you get some good before-the-cutaway scenes).

It's all so fun and fluffy. So dramatic. No wonder people like it. It's almost like watching television.

Since I enjoy reading the genre so much, I've really wanted to try writing it for awhile.

Enter Camp Nanowrimo. What better genre to write when trying to cram a 50,000 word novel into a month?

And so my first true attempt at urban fantasy is beginning to take shape. I'm roughly 11,500 words in, and I haven't introduced my first supernatural creature yet - at least not a full frontal look. Lots of things lurking in the shadows and the corner of the protagonist's eye. But the big reveal is a scene that's coming up soon, and then it will all be chaos and action and blood and fighting and death. Rawr!

I'm only slightly worried about the fact that I am terrible at writing action scenes.

Anita Blake Vampire Hunter Guilty Pleasures Vol 1

I've found while writing this particular story that I am pulling a lot from the Anita Blake novels. Anita Blake is a badass vampire executioner who also happens to be a necromancer. All kinds of baddies from vampires to zombies to shapeshifters make trouble for her. Some of the snippets I've written, jumping ahead in the narrative, have been a bit influenced by Hamilton's world and style. It's also interesting because her books take place in St. Louis, Missouri. So not too far from home, since my story takes place in Lawrence, Kansas.

The other series I am finding myself heavily influenced by is the Mortal Instruments books by Cassandra Clare. I love the world she created, with the angels vs. demons dynamic, not to mention her characters are dynamic and deep. Her pacing is excellent and her dialog is brilliant - laugh out loud funny at times. The entire time I was reading, I kept thinking "these are the books I've always wanted to write." So now I am. I've stolen a couple of character traits and other ideas from her novels. I can't quite nail down the humor, though. I'm just not that funny, I guess. Don't get me wrong, I find myself hilarious, but not many other people get my sense of humor.

Diana, maiden goddess of the hunt

I've also found myself drawing from Greek/Roman mythology. I'm not sure how it happened, but I have two characters based on Roman gods. Their stories are nothing like the stories of those gods, but I've stolen character traits and relationships from these two gods. My protagonist is named Diana, which I thought appropriate since she is going to become a vampire hunter. I've given some of the traits associated with the goddess to her. That's all I will say for now, in case this story turns out to be any good. I would hate to give out spoilers for my own work.

Finally, both surprisingly and unsurprisingly, a lot of my own life experiences have inspired this story. A year ago this month my mother passed away after a long fight against breast cancer. While I am so lucky to have lots of friends and family left, I got to thinking about a person who might not have much family after losing someone close. And what if that person had the only family member she had left violently taken from her? What would that look like? How would I react? I have put a lot of myself into my protagonist, even if she isn't actually me. In a way, all of my protagonists are me, or at least share some of my experiences.

But I digress.

And I procrastinate.

It's time to go work on that novel I've been yammering about.

Comments and The First Input/Output

I have a quick public service announcement, then we'll get you back to your regularly scheduled blog:

It was brought to my attention that people were having difficulty leaving comments on my site. This should now be fixed and anyone can comment - you don't need a special account or login or anything. I apologize for my technological ignorance, and I hope those of you who visit will now comment liberally.

I got so excited about the concept of the Input/Output posts, and still haven't done one. As I am still project-less, I feel like a poser bringing it up, but I'll give you a quick rundown of what I've been reading. Maybe it'll help me pick a project.

I just finished the book Fantastic Voyage: Live Long Enough to Live Forever. I got it for a couple bucks on the last day that Borders was open because it sounded interesting (and was cheap). It had a lot of good advice for health, but at the same time it talked a lot about advances in medicine and technology that will allow us to live for hundreds of years. Some of that stuff seemed incredibly science-fictiony and it gave me a lot of creepy ideas involving nanobots taking over human bodies. You rely on technology that much, something is going to go horribly wrong. I've tucked away a lot of ideas and marked some pages to go back to when I'm in the mood to write sci-fi/horror.


 I am reading a gigantic stand-alone fantasy novel by Tad Williams called The War of the Flowers. I'm almost halfway through this behemoth and it's finally starting to get exciting, but I still don't really like any of the characters. The world building is kind of creative, but my overall feeling is kind of meh. I started reading it to help with atmosphere for the story I was transcribing, but that fell totally flat. I am just not in a high fantasy mindset these days.

I watched David Tennant and Patrick Stewart in a movie version of Hamlet, and it was phenomenal. I am still a little hung up on David Tennant, and now he has me thinking about Shakespeare. I'm going to stay away from more Doctor Who fanfiction, but I'm thinking about re-reading some Shakespeare plays. Maybe I'll do an adaptation. Could be fun. I wrote a Shakespearian sonnet while I was studying Shakespeare in college (one of the best poems I've ever written, in my humble opinion, although that isn't saying much since I'm not much of a poet). Maybe I'll give it another go. Although I'm not really in poetry mode, either.

I have the tendency to read several books at once, and while I always try to read at least something non-fiction so I get a healthy balance of information and pleasure, I do read a lot of fluffy stuff. I hate to say it, but I am hopelessly stuck on a smutty urban fantasy series with a badass vampire hunter chick (and, ironically, the first book is called Guilty Pleasures). All I want to read and write is urban fantasy. Trouble is, none of my story ideas really lend themselves to that genre, so I will either have to adapt an idea or come up with one from scratch.



I think this is why my muse is a beached whale right now; I don't have a story that fits my mood. Giving it gentle nudges in the direction I wanted it to go hasn't been working. So now I just need to come up with a plot and a world and some characters.

Hah.

I might have a start, though. I went to a mindnumbingly boring training for work last week, and the notes I took morphed into a cross between making fun of the guy giving the training, and trying to create a story out of some of the things he said. It left me with a couple of snippets that I might try to weave together into a short story. An actual short story (since my shorts have been ranging 15k words, which really is too long to be short). Maybe 6-8k words.

So, what are you reading right now?