June Update: Halfway through the year!

It always cracks me up when I go back and read my previous month's update and plans and compare it to what actually happened.

June has been a crazy, busy, unpredictable month, as, erm, predicted. But. Writing things went a little differently than I thought they would.

First, my vacation plans fell through. Or rather, I bailed on them. It's a long story that I won't go into here, but rather than going to MN, I came home. And for a few days I did nothing but rest. Mentally and physically. And then, I started on the dev edit. The dev edit that came a week late, so I did not get to do it before my trip.

Which worked out. I wouldn't have wanted to be finalizing it on the last day before I left, as most of that day was spent shopping and packing. And after having the days to rest, I was able to come at it feeling refreshed. I got a really solid edit done in less than a week and got it back to her almost a week early.

And I won't be getting it back until today!

So that left me with about two weeks to work on my own stuff.

I wasn't confident that I'd be able to get into Mystwatch and do my edit in that amount of time, so I sat down with my project schedule, and did some rearranging. As of right now, my plan is to have CLC finished by the end of July's session of Camp NaNo. Once that is finally off my plate, fitting in writing words around my freelance editing project in June and July, I will have the mental capacity to go after Mystwatch 2 edits again. I'm giving it one month. August. My, erm, shittiest month. But. I've decided that I don't actually have to get that edit done this year. There's no penalty, so if I make decent headway on it in August, I can leave the rest of the edit for another time. I'm okay with that, right now. And then I have September and October to write the next SP adventure, then NaNo for my new project, and December to outline Druid Wars 2.

Phew!

So, looking at the two weeks I had in June, I was like, this new timeline is ambitions. And hell, that's two weeks I didn't think I was going to have free. I should be able to write my normal monthly goal of 8k in that amount of time if I buckle down.

Hahahahaha.

Oh, Sara. When will you learn.

But I did learn. I learned very quickly that was ridiculous. So I scaled it back. Told myself to aim for 4.5k. As long as I didn't have to write more than 15k words in July, I could afford to write fewer than 8k words in June.

It's going to be tight, and I'm still not sure I can wrap CLC up by 100k. But. I ended up writing 6k words on it this month. That puts me at 87k. So that leaves 13k for July. I'll probably aim for 12k, because July is a busy month, too. With the copy edit and both Althea's and Violet's birthdays. And, y'know. The 4th.

Blah blah blah, boring number stuff.

I am quickly nearing the end, in more exciting plot-related stuff. I've got a few key scenes left, and the downtime that goes between them, then I'm done. I'm starting to really believe I can finish this book this year. I wasn't sure when I started into this year what all I'd be able to accomplish. Turns out, quite a lot. If I can, in fact, finish this, and knock out one more SP story...I'll have finished a novel that's been outstanding for a few years as well as wrapping up season 2 of SP. That is huge. Even more huge if I finish the Mystwatch 2 book edit.

But there's no penalty if I don't manage it. I'm seeing what I am capable of if I go slow and listen to myself. I'm feeling this out so that I can fall into a routine that will sustain me until retirement. Or at least until I'm 50. I can decide what to do with my back catalogue at that point, if anything. And if I am a SP adventure or a book or two short, no worries. I either take another year or push myself to work faster.

My biggest goal this year is to see what I can do, how much I can do, consistently, and avoid burning myself out.

A big component of that is going to be NaNo. Can I do NaNo and not burn out? If I don't do NaNo, can I finish books? Although for that one, I already know I can, since I think Myswatch 3, I started and ended outside of NaNo and only ever managed 1600 words in NaNo proper...although looks like maybe 35k during Camp NaNo sessions.

I won't lie. I like the idea of spending October planning out a novel, November writing 50k of it, and then the next year spending a few months finishing it up. But maybe I can't do that. Maybe I just take a year to write a whole book, and then take a year editing and writing SP and other stuff. That's what I want to find out. And I can't truly find that out until I get CLC done and Mystwatch edited. I need to pick a project and see it through.

So. Maybe I don't do Druid Wars 2 next year. Maybe I finish whatever NaNo novel I start. And maybe I start writing Druid Wars 2 for NaNo next year and finish it the year after that.

It's only the end of June. Still a lot of wait and see how things go.

That said, I wanted to note that the writing has been fun and fairly easy the past two weeks. I definitely have times of feast and famine with writing. I am much more productive and in the flow in the summer. That's always been the case. By September, I'll be in peak writing mode, I assume. Hopefully I can put it all to good use.

Right now, I'm still working on things I feel comfortable with. It's when I start a totally new project in a totally new world where it's going to get scary and hard.

Or maybe exciting and easy.

Time will tell.

I'm really enjoying this year, seeing what I'm capable of when I just let myself follow my flow.

And, y'know. Learn the difference between I'm not writing because I'm depressed and can't and I'm not writing because the next scene is hard or I can't focus because whatever reason. Been a lot of that the last two weeks, but once I settle in, the focus finally comes.

I am content with my writing journey thus far. It's going really well, and I'm happy. Half a year down. Half a year to go!

And then seven more years until....profit?  :D

May Update: Success and Difficult Decisions

 I am happy to report that I have both my depression and my writing stagnation under control. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm high on life and firing on all cylinders as far as writing, but I am not in the hole I was in for most of the winter and early spring.

That said, I didn't get as much writing done this month as I'd hoped. Or rather, I went above and beyond my word count goal, but didn't get the work on projects accomplished as I'd hoped.

Some of that is because I didn't do quite as much as I'd wanted in April, so I was playing catch-up a bit. I had hoped to get more of the current SP adventure written so that I could easily finish it up in May and then work on CLC a bit.

That didn't happen. But! I did finish this SP adventure. Yay! And it had some synchronicity there, because I finished this adventure exactly a year later, to the day, that I finished one last year. So that was neat. A little disappointing in that it's still taking me a year to finish an adventure. But at least I'm making consistent progress.

The downside is that I really rushed the finish. The whole adventure is kind of a mess. I have a big editing project down the line when it comes to this adventure. It's probably my least favorite one so far (which is saying a lot, because I also didn't love the last one, either, although I do kinda love it, now). I guess my least favorite adventure is always the one I just finished. I hated the aliens one, and the Seattle fairies one, and the Australian scuba diving one and...well, like I said. All of them. At some point or another. I guess that's part of the process. It always feels like a hot mess when I finish. But after some time away from it, I think I will be able to wrangle it into something good. I will say that even though I don't love the romance stuff I did in this adventure (it feels really forced), I do love the character growth Sally shows. I worry that I'm having her grow too quickly, though. This is only season two out of five. But maybe it's right. Season three is the season where her love interest actually starts seeing her as more than a kid, although season four is the one where he actually realizes he's been falling for her (and actually acts on it).

But I digress.

Or maybe not. I am here to talk about my writing, after all.

The other thing I did not do this month that I'd talked about was work on short stories. Which, I don't regret at all. Finishing the SP adventure was my priority. I still have a few days left this month, so maybe if I get some time, I'll poke at short stories.

But. I'm not going to have a lot of time. I get a manuscript for dev editing on Friday. I have a week to turn it around before I leave for vacation for a week, so it's a tight turn-around time. That brings me into June. After I get back from my vacation, I have a week before I get the MS back for copy editing. And that takes me through July.

So, June is going to be tricky. I have one week to work on my own stuff. Well. I guess when it comes to writing, even during edits, I have scheduled time to work on stuff. For an hour or two twice a week.

Trouble is, June was supposed to be Mystwatch 2 editing month. I was planning on finishing it. With everything else going on, I'm not sure I'll be able to manage it. Unless I dedicate the whole week after I'm back from vacation to it. We'll see. If I don't get it done next month, I do have October, which is a miscellaneous projects month, basically a buffer to finish up whatever I didn't get to this year, before NaNo and before my break in December.

I think I need to make some hard decisions, though. After wrapping up this SP adventure, I'm sitting here wondering if I will actually be able to write a second one this year in addition to finishing CLC. I think I'm going to have to make a choice between SP and CLC. July is supposed to be another Camp NaNo month where I'd planned to write maybe 14k. I didn't manage it in April. Do I think I can do it in July? And then finish it in August with enough time and energy to write a few thousand words on CLC?

I currently have all of September set aside to finish CLC. Right now, it needs probably 20k to wrap it up. I know I can't write that much in a month. I think 15k is my limit. I definitely can do 10k, as that's been my average this year. So I need to find a way to fit in another 10k in my current schedule. On top of finding time to finish my Mystwatch 2 edit.

So, yeah. I have to give something up this year. Either the second SP adventure, finishing CLC, or possibly not doing NaNo this year. The dev edit of Mystwatch 2 is nonnegotiable. I have to finish that this year.

What I think I'll probably do, or what I'll plan to do right now, is get as much of the Mystwatch edit done as I can in June. July and August I will finish up CLC. September, I might start a new SP adventure, just to give me some space from this last one and get a start on it this year. That way, maybe I can do one and a half SP adventures a year? And work up to two someday? That leaves October open for, like I said, finishing stuff up. If I want to finish SP, I can. If I haven't finished the Mystwatch edit, I will. Or if for some reason two months isn't enough to finish CLC.

The only thing that endangers is the Druid Wars 2 outline. Which...in all honesty, I don't think is going to take me more than a few days of mulling and brainstorming and then sitting down and putting stuff together. I have a lot of scenes in mind already. Just organizing what I've already got and finding connective tissue shouldn't take very long. I could probably even do that in December, because it's a project that will be good progress but not feel like a lot of work. Because it doesn't have to be perfect.

Heck, maybe I can just make December outlining month rather than break month. We'll see, I suppose.

And then there's November. Still not sure what I'm doing with that beast. We'll see when the month gets closer!

But for this month, I wrote 10.5k words, finished SP 2.4, and spent the minimum seven days working toward my goals. It was a successful month, even if it felt like pulling teeth some days! That's typical. At least the writing ability was there again, if rusty. The terror of losing it forever has passed.

And I have a tentative plan for the coming months, including my super busy June next month!

Now it's time to settle in and read Mystwatch 1 to get me in the mood and frame of mind for next month's edit. Yay.

April Update: Writing is slow, ideas are abundant

I hit a wall this past month. Not just writing. Depression hit hard, so most of my energies have been directed toward doing daily stuff like working and household stuff and feeding myself and sleeping. It's been a struggle.

I was already struggling with writing, though. I didn't talk about it at the last writers group meeting because I was just realizing how depressed I was and I didn't want to talk about it, or anything really. But the biggest thing I'm dealing with as far as writing right now isn't exactly writer's block, or impostor syndrome, although I guess it might be a combo of both. It's just that, when I go to reach for my writing skills when I sit down to write these days, it's just...not there. I have been writing for something like 20 years at this point. But my ability to do it? It is just...gone. I fumble around without a clue as to what I'm doing. It's not even a sluggish feeling. Or a feeling of I don't want to. It's that I LITERALLY CANNOT. It's terrifying.

So I have just been avoiding writing this past month because if I sit down to write one more time and the ability is still gone, I might lose my mind.

This goes beyond wanting to write and not having the time or energy or motivation. It's like reaching for a tool you've had and used often for half of your life, and it not being there anymore.

I don't think this will last. I imagine it'll come back. But I am so scared to even try.

I am at a bit of a loss as far as what to do for May, now. I had hoped to have most of this SP adventure written, so I'd just wrap it up then maybe move to CLC. But now I don't know what to do with myself. Do I try to write SP? Or do I go straight to CLC? Or do I work on something entirely different while I try to screw my writing cap back on? Or maybe I reread MystWatch 1 and see if I can give editing MystWatch 2 editing another crack.

Most of the month I just coasted, not worried about it, but then I made it worse by sitting down and making another 10 year plan. Why do I always do that?? Seriously. Things were going so well this year with my, write two days a week, take it slow, take it easy, don't think beyond this year, just see what you can comfortably do. But then I hit the editing month and was pressuring myself to work almost daily, and then I tried to back off but I was already burning out when this month hit, and then I broke it by thinking about how/when to monetize.

That said, the plan wasn't bad. Of course, I always make these plans when I can't write. Because making plans about writing instead of writing still feels like progress sometimes.

At any rate. As of writing this, it's only April 25. Maybe I'll get my ass in gear and write every day this week to catch up on Camp NaNo. Or maybe I'll just paint instead and consider this a break month.

More importantly, I have got to figure out what I'm doing next month. It's all a big question mark, and that terrifies me.

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It's now April 29, and things are going better. I did determine after writing that last part that I would buckle down and write a little bit every day for the rest of the month. I managed three days in a row on SP, a total of 3300 words. Last night, I spent the evening with my sister, but before I went over there, I did sit down and write a more detailed, concrete outline for the rest of the adventure. I have notes for each scene I need to write, so I should be able to knock it out pretty easily. When I'm able to write better.

It's been rough, writing SP the last few days. I don't feel very funny, so not a lot of humor is making it in. Which is sad. I always look forward to the funny bits. It all seems so forced, so maybe I've ruined it. But it's SP, so maybe that doesn't matter.

My 10 year plan didn't make room for SP at all. And that makes me legitimately sad. I know if I want to write a book a year and edit a book a year (although when I say "edit a book," I actually mean dev edit one book, copy edit one book, and proof one book, and also outline a new book), something will have to give. It just sucks that it would have to be Sally. Those I write for myself and I really enjoy them.

Anyway. After looking at my 10 year plan made me tired, I determined it's still do-able if I wait until I'm 50 to start it. That way, I have eight years to write whatever I want in any order I want. I want to publish MystWatch by 50, so maybe that's just what I do. And anything else I can build up between now and then will be gravy. I may have to back off to one SP a year rather than two, but that's more in line with what I've managed in the past.

Anyway. I have been writing the last four days, so I'm closer to my NaNo goal. And my April goal. Although I guess my original goal was to write the whole adventure. I am halfway, though! I think I can finish it next month then switch over to CLC and knock out some words. Maybe not many. Maybe just a few.

Then my project timeline has me switching back to Mystwatch 2 for June. Ugghhh. I may be ready by that point, though. Or I may be really into CLC and try to finish that entirely before switching to, I dunno. SP 2.5 or editing. I am playing it by ear, although I did seem to have a good sense of my ebb and flow of energies when making the original plan, so I may stick to it, after all.

But yeah. Biggest goal for May is to finish SP 2.4. Any words I add to CLC are bonus words, honestly. I will need to write a lot for CLC at some point, but I want to finish this SP adventure this year. I need to be doing at least one a year, or this series will never end. And as much as I contemplated giving up on her forever...that'll never happen. I'll always go back to her, even if I'm only telling her stories for myself. I am my number one fan, after all.

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 One final thing I wanted to talk about is the fact that, despite struggling with writing, I've been very much in tune with my creative energies. I've brainstormed more than one thing this month. I read over the first Pandemonium novel and got excited about it again. Made more detailed plans for the sequels. I have gone back and read over just about every story idea I've ever had. Read most of my short stories (even read a few kid-friendly ones to Althea, which she loved, although was afraid of the gremlin in Mischief after Midnight, woops). I wrote up some notes for the assassin story I've always toyed with. I wrote notes out for a dream I had. I started a new short story for Althea. I found a few old stories I never finished that I want to work on.

I am in the MOOD to write. I am excited about my stories. The actual act of writing is still tough, though. The words are coming, just slowly. They work better as brainstorms right now. But I'm making slow progress. I may not hit my Camp NaNo goal, but I still feel good about the last few days.

A lot of it is that I've been managing my depression better. That makes everything a little easier. I'm hoping between that and next month being May, I will have a prolific month.

I just don't have enough time in my life to write all the things I wish I could!