May Update: Hopefully finding my way back

I didn't update last month. Obviously. Partially because I forgot. But mostly because I still haven't been writing.

I didn't write in May, either.

That said. The last couple of days, I've been feeling that pull. That pull all artists know so very well. The pull to create. I toyed with the idea of painting. And I may still paint. But I've been thinking about Mystwatch a lot lately. I had an intense dream about Diana and Drexel, so they were on my mind for a few days. I decided that maybe I'd open up book 1 and see if I could get myself invested in the world, then maybe poke at book 2 edits. Work has finally slowed down, so I have time during the day, now. And I don't just want to watch hours of YouTube.

So today, I finally opened up my writing folder and took a chance. I read the first two paragraphs of book 1...and bailed.

Nope nope nope. That is not where I am right now. I was tweaking language and rethinking my opening line and just...no. It was supposed to be an immersion project, not a line editing project. Apparently I am in editing mode. Which makes sense. Every time I open that book, I want to make tweaks to make it even better. And it's not a strong enough opening for me to be immediately immersed. So. I have choices. I can either skim it until it gets to the immersion point. Or. I can skip book 1. I know that book backward and forward. I don't need to read it to edit book 2. It might help with mood, but once I settle into edits of book 2, I will be immersed enough.

But I don't think that's where my creative yearning is leading me right now.

Lighthouses. The world has been sending me lighthouses lately. So I opened up Nightmare of Sleepy Shoals after noping out of Mystwatch.

Oh. Oh yes. I was hooked by the first paragraph. This. This is the book I should be focusing on.

I could go back and tweak the first Mystwatch book until I die. It will always be a book with a slow start and a slow build. The second book will always switch plots halfway through. And the third book will always get bigger every time I read it, because there's always more I want to add to the world. For Mystwatch, I really just want to put book 2 back together and walk away. Maybe publish it so Aron can read it, with poorly designed stock photo covers. Maybe next time I visit, I can talk to him about my cover ideas, about either using the iStock photos or having Mary model for me. 

But I think it might be time to let Mystwatch go and move on. No self-publishing on Amazon for everyone to read. Just an on-demand set of books for friends and family that want to read it.

I know how to start books with a hook, now. Or at least, I did when I started Sleepy Shoals. The books I've written will always have a special place in my heart. I wouldn't be the writer I am without them. Although again, I haven't been much of a writer for over a year at this point.

But maybe I can be a better writer if I let go of the projects holding me back, and instead, move forward with new projects. Projects I started when I knew how to write a book, rather than projects I learned how to write a book with.

So, yes. I think in June, I would like to do some writing. I don't know how much, yet. And as excited as I am about Sleepy Shoals...I might actually start with Sally Prescott.

I am scared to start into a book that has such a great first chapter when I am this rusty at writing. If I can get through a SP adventure, maybe finish up the Witch's Daughter short I never finished back in January. then I will feel more confident about my ability to write this book I've built up to be so amazing in my head.

Because that's what it comes down to. It isn't that I don't have the ability. It's that I lack the confidence in my ability. I know if I just took my time, started slow, thought about each scene before I wrote it, I would be able to continue the momentum into this amazing book. But instead, I'd like to rush headlong into a Sally adventure that I don't have to think too hard or worry about.

Plus that is one of my goals this year. To finish at least one more SP adventure.

Then there's Chain Letter Choice, of course. I don't know what to do about that one. I want to finish it. I know I'm probably 20k shy of getting to the end. It's outlined. I have hashed out most of the details. Although I have forgotten everything Ewan and I talked about for the final order vs. chaos battle, so I will have to re-figure that out. But at the same time...I wonder if that's also a book I should let go of. I wanted so badly to finish it so I could be like, yes, detailed outlines work great for me. But at this point, maybe I need to give up on that idea. I may have to be an immersion writer. A discovery writer. Which might mean I spend six months at a time writing something, then don't write for six months to a year after that. As a hobbyist writer, that's totally okay. I don't have to write every month of the year. I don't even have to write every year.

But I should commit to projects and try to see them through once I start them.

So. I think tomorrow, I am going to try to finish Shadow Self. Friday, I will take a look at what I have for the next SP adventure. And then this weekend, maybe I will do some writing.

It's too damn hot out to do anything else. Summer is here, and outdoor adventures of my own are no fun anymore. Time to escape into other people's worlds.

Escape is good. While I am doing much, much better (after being sick with COVID for the first three weeks of May), I am still not 100% healthy yet. I am confident I will be, soon. But I have just enough energy for something creative, and not quite enough to do more than camp in the backyard or go for short hikes.

I feel optimistic about June. I just need to make sure I make time and make a point to write.

Even if I'm scared. Even if I'm rusty. Even if it's hard. Because it always is. Whether I'm coming back to it after a long break, or if I've been doing it almost every day for a year. It's always hard.

And honestly, that's one of the reasons it's so rewarding.

March Update: I'm so tired

I've mostly been dealing with health crap this month. Finally went to the doctor about my stomach. Not sure what he had me do changed much. I didn't even lose weight on this elimination diet. And I feel like I'm barely eating.

Anyway. This blog isn't about health. It's about writing!

But I didn't write this month. And I don't find it likely that I will in the next few days, either, as I have come down with a cold. Again.

I did get Lisa's copy edit done, though. She published it yesterday! Already some good reviews. It feels good being part of something like that. And although I will be glad to have the time back not doing her copy edits anymore, I will also kinda miss that part, too. Ah, well. Maybe I will go back to it someday. If she'll have me.

At any rate, Lisa's edits have been great practice. I hope to be able to apply all that practice to my own books.

I am planning on doing a SP novella for Camp NaNo next month. Camp NaNo are a good excuse to do SP, and SP is a good way to get back into writing when I haven't for awhile. So I am looking forward to it. Even if I don't get as far as I laid out in my project timeline spreadsheet for this year.

One thing writing adjacent that I did this month (other than Lisa's editing) was cover exploration. I found two and a half covers I adored for the Mystwatch trilogy, and I almost bought them. But then there was some weird stuff from the website I was going to buy them from, so I bailed. Now, I'm poking around on iStock, and I found all the images that were used. I'm debating putting together my own covers from those images. I can get so many images for a membership, or I can just outright buy stuff for probably less than the three covers would have cost. Yes, I will have to do it myself, but if I own the images, maybe someone artistic will take pity on me and help me fix them (Mary or Em or Jack, maybe). Alternatively...and I haven't broached this subject with them yet, but I'm thinking about seeing if Mary will model Diana for me. And then maybe use some Photoshop magic to make them look good. I know she's busy and this isn't really the kind of photography she does, but I think she'd make a perfect Diana, I have a couple of places I'd like to take pictures, I have the crossbow, and I think it'd be so cool to have covers that were taken in Lawrence. It would also be cool to have Mary do them, especially since Aron's the one who wants to read them in hard copy.

Anyway. There's not a huge rush on this. I haven't worked on book 2 edits a year this month. I'd like to get back to them between SP projects. As I mentioned, it's high on my list of things I'd ideally like to finish fixing this year. Along with finishing CLC. But. My energy has been low, my health has been bad, and life keeps freaking happening. So. I'm trying to aim low. I have poor health years every now and then. I guess this is my year.

Poor health and writing do not go very well together. And I'm not going to let myself feel bad for not having the energy to do something that is supposed to be fun. That's only a hobby, now.

February Update: Backtracking

Well, last month, I stated that for February, maybe I'd edit or maybe I'd write short stories or maybe both. What I didn't consider was the possibility of neither.

And that's what I did.

I'm not sure what happened. I lost my drive to finish the Witch's Daughter story, then nothing else seemed interesting, and then I got Lisa's dev edit. I was supposed to get that the 10th, then the 15th, then the 18th, then the 20th, and then it finally came on the 22nd. So of course, I didn't want to start into anything early in February knowing I'd need a week in the middle to work on someone else's book, and then it came over two weeks later than planned, which took up any other time I would have worked on my stuff.

I don't say that to sound bitter, although in hindsight, I guess I am a bit. Trying to leave time for Lisa's stuff takes away from my own. Which, I'm not doing a whole hell of a lot these days. But still. Knowing there are times I won't have any freetime makes it hard to get excited to start anything.

Anyway. I have her copy edit next month, so I'm not sure how much of my own stuff I'll get to in March, either. But. I hope to maybe at least read Mystwatch 1, so I can get into the Mystwatch mindset and maybe poke at book 2 edits. I have April set aside for Sally Prescott, so I hate to get too into anything and then have to switch gears. Copy edits usually take me 10 days or so. So I'd have two weeks, I guess.

Maybe I should just focus on short stories. I can write one of those in a day, if needed.

Or maybe I should just keep relaxing until April.

I don't know. I really thought I'd finally fallen back into this. I was excited. I had a plan.

And now I'm not excited and I'm behind on my plan. Well, not too far behind. If I don't get short stories written this year, that's fine. Those were just a way to tiptoe back into it. I can still work on some of my goals.

I talked to Aron about reading Mystwatch 3. I told him I'd done significant edits on books 1 and 2, so he'd need to reread those, as well. He wants them in hard copy, though. Which means finding covers that aren't awful at the very least. I've spend a lot of today looking at Selfpubbookcovers.com, but things on there are pretty hit and miss. I may be better off just trying harder on my own. Although I did find two that I kinda really like. If I can find a third that matches, maybe I'll do that. Although $300ish on reader copies for my brother...maybe I should hold off on that. I can work on cool covers in the time it will take me to finish editing. It'd be cool to take pictures around Lawrence and use those. Maybe I can even get people to pose in them for me. Jack could make a convincing Shaidron. Mary would be an awesome Diana. Aron could totally be Makai. Then I'd just have to figure out the silhouettes of the creatures I want to include and fuck around with effects and figure out good title/author text.

Yeah. I wanna do this, now. Heh. Sometimes I explore visual mediums to express my creativity. This could be fun. I'll have to brainstorm some ideas. I'm thinking that iconic Lawrence alleyway, the city scape from the top of the parking garage, and then maybe entryways into cemeteries? Oak Hill for sure. Maybe I could venture onto the Haskell grounds. Or maybe under that bridge on the rail trail. The view from Burcham could be neat.

Anyway. That's probably putting cart before horse. But. It's something I've thought a lot about since he requested real books. Getting proofs through Amazon is easy enough. And if they're just for Mary and Aron, they don't have to be perfectly copy edited and proofread. They just have to be as good as I can make them.

So, yeah. My update this month is I didn't do much of anything. I've done a lot of thinking, as usual. Hopefully March, there will be more doing.