July Update: Shifting inspiration

I was so proud of myself for my writing progress in June, so I figured that would inspire me to keep writing in July.

Unfortunately, it did not. I kinda wanted to write for the first week or so, but anytime I made time for it, I got that squirmy, uncomfortable dread feeling. I just haven't been in a writing frame of mind this month.

A lot of that is battling health stuff. I'm so tired all the time. A lot of that is being out of practice. Throwing crappy words at things feels like such a waste. Although the only way I'm going to get back in the swing of things is by doing.

I'm just not driven to write as much now as I used to be. It's not for a lack of ideas or projects. It's just the physical act of writing doesn't do much for me anymore. Not that I don't love going back to read over what I've written. I will always love that part. I just can't get excited to actually write. The magic seems to be well and truly dead.

My new creative outlet has really become watercolor painting.

I actually managed to do quite a bit of watercolor this past month. I started a 10-day challenge (that I actually gave up on because I decided I hated the way the person did the tutorials), had an afternoon where I painted without tutorials, and now I'm playing with my new palette so I can get ready to attempt some tutorials from my favorite Youtube artist. I'm hoping I can keep painting next month, as well. Even if it's just some of the brain relaxing abstracts from Andrea Nelson Art.

I might be picking up a new freelance editing client, as well. It's weird to me how that stuff is always cyclical. I gave up writing for editing awhile back. Even changed this blog over. Then I completely abandoned editing to focus on writing. Then Rachel got to writing again, then I took Lisa on as a client, and now, I've backed off to just dev editing for Lisa, and I might be doing some content edits for Kacey. And throughout all that, I have lost my writing mojo.

I don't want to give up on writing completely. That will always be an element of my life I return to. Even if it is just in the form of blogs and short stories or poking at old projects or being captivated by something new long enough to jot down a few thousand words. And I do, of course, want to put Mystwatch into the world someday. I need to fix book two to do that, so that's definitely high on my list of things to do. And I do want to keep writing a SP adventure a year, so at some point, I am going to have to write 10k-15k more on the adventure I started last month.

So maybe what I should do, now, is make time to sit with my writing. Maybe just one weekend, or one week. Say, okay, this is writing week. I gotta think about writing or touch a writing project every day this week before I go back to painting again.

I think that will be my goal for August. Jack will be gone on a spiritual retreat for a few days. My goal is to spend some time writing while he's gone.

Even if they are crappy words. I want to write some words. Four days. It shouldn't be hard to write some words for four days next month.

And maybe that will even open me up to writing some more.

I really want to finish this SP adventure this summer. Then, this fall, I can try my hand at editing Mystwatch. Or maybe I will poke at Sleepy Shoals or Once We Were Witches. Maybe even CLC.

I do want to write. Or rather, I want to want to. So, like I said, I'm not giving up. I'm just not pushing too hard. If I'm more inspired to paint, or even take photographs, then I will likely follow those inspirations so I can actually enjoy what I'm doing rather than suffer through for some perceived important end product.

June Update: Some small progress

I wrote in June! Woohoo!

Not many days of the month. Not according to my plan. Not nearly as many words on the days I did write that I had wanted. But. I wrote.

I wrote nearly 7200 words!

About 2400 of those words were me wrapping up Shadow Self, the Witch's Daughter #4. It needs a lot of editing, but the story is there. It's longer than I wanted. Each episode of her story has been a bit longer. But I think that's okay.

The rest of the words went to Sally Prescott. About 5k. Just shy. It started out kinda rough. I didn't really feel like I had the Sally humor, and I did a lot of meandering. But I finally hit my stride with it today and got some definite Sally moments. So. I am happy with it. It took five thousand words, but it's finally ready to launched into the main adventure. Which, to be honest, I should have probably gotten to faster. But I left the last adventure with a lot of upheaval, so it made sense to me to deal with the aftermath a bit at the start of this next adventure.

Anyway. Rocky start, but feeling good. I think I might be able to write some more on it next month. Maybe won't finish it. Maybe won't even get 10k, since that seems like a lot for me right now. But hey. When I was working on the last Mystwatch book all those years ago, I kept telling myself that 5k a month would get me to the end of the book by the end of the year. And so it goes with this as well. If I write 5k a month for two or three more months, I will finish this SP adventure.

That's really the main goal I want to accomplish this year. I just don't think I'd be okay with myself if I didn't get at least one SP adventure written a year. She's been a pretty constant companion the last five or so years. I've had goals where I wanted to get two or three adventures written a year so eventually I finish this series so I can start publishing it. But. I think I write her for me more than for publishing. Especially now. It's like with painting. I paint these landscapes to share on Instagram or put up to admire, but the abstract stuff I've been doing lately, that's for me. For me to do the act of painting without worrying too much about the end result. It's about the process.

Publishing is still one of those things I go back and forth on in general, though. I'm in a "I don't ever want to publish except maybe so my brother has a physical copy book of stuff" phase right now. Maybe when I finally retire and have more time, I will spend more time writing and I will be more serious about wanting to put it out there. But for now, I mostly want to finish things for me.

That may change before I retire. It has many times before.

So anyway. I met my goal of working on SP and finishing Shadow Self. Next month, I want to write at least 5k on SP. Maybe 10K if I can. But I will have a dev edit for a client in the middle of the month, plus nieces and nephew birthday parties and the 4th. So I will be pretty happy if I manage 5k.

At the end of July, we'll see where I'm at. I'll likely do a push to finish the SP adventure. But I also might be ready for Mystwatch by that point. Those characters were whispering in my head the other day. And Jack and I went downtown and made vampire jokes, which made me a bit nostalgic.

Sally first.

Then maybe Diana.

Then...maybe the Order and Chaos kids. But probably more likely it will be Sleepy Shoals.

That's probably more than I can get to this year, so I will leave it at that. I am just beyond happy I got over 7k written this month.

May Update: Hopefully finding my way back

I didn't update last month. Obviously. Partially because I forgot. But mostly because I still haven't been writing.

I didn't write in May, either.

That said. The last couple of days, I've been feeling that pull. That pull all artists know so very well. The pull to create. I toyed with the idea of painting. And I may still paint. But I've been thinking about Mystwatch a lot lately. I had an intense dream about Diana and Drexel, so they were on my mind for a few days. I decided that maybe I'd open up book 1 and see if I could get myself invested in the world, then maybe poke at book 2 edits. Work has finally slowed down, so I have time during the day, now. And I don't just want to watch hours of YouTube.

So today, I finally opened up my writing folder and took a chance. I read the first two paragraphs of book 1...and bailed.

Nope nope nope. That is not where I am right now. I was tweaking language and rethinking my opening line and just...no. It was supposed to be an immersion project, not a line editing project. Apparently I am in editing mode. Which makes sense. Every time I open that book, I want to make tweaks to make it even better. And it's not a strong enough opening for me to be immediately immersed. So. I have choices. I can either skim it until it gets to the immersion point. Or. I can skip book 1. I know that book backward and forward. I don't need to read it to edit book 2. It might help with mood, but once I settle into edits of book 2, I will be immersed enough.

But I don't think that's where my creative yearning is leading me right now.

Lighthouses. The world has been sending me lighthouses lately. So I opened up Nightmare of Sleepy Shoals after noping out of Mystwatch.

Oh. Oh yes. I was hooked by the first paragraph. This. This is the book I should be focusing on.

I could go back and tweak the first Mystwatch book until I die. It will always be a book with a slow start and a slow build. The second book will always switch plots halfway through. And the third book will always get bigger every time I read it, because there's always more I want to add to the world. For Mystwatch, I really just want to put book 2 back together and walk away. Maybe publish it so Aron can read it, with poorly designed stock photo covers. Maybe next time I visit, I can talk to him about my cover ideas, about either using the iStock photos or having Mary model for me. 

But I think it might be time to let Mystwatch go and move on. No self-publishing on Amazon for everyone to read. Just an on-demand set of books for friends and family that want to read it.

I know how to start books with a hook, now. Or at least, I did when I started Sleepy Shoals. The books I've written will always have a special place in my heart. I wouldn't be the writer I am without them. Although again, I haven't been much of a writer for over a year at this point.

But maybe I can be a better writer if I let go of the projects holding me back, and instead, move forward with new projects. Projects I started when I knew how to write a book, rather than projects I learned how to write a book with.

So, yes. I think in June, I would like to do some writing. I don't know how much, yet. And as excited as I am about Sleepy Shoals...I might actually start with Sally Prescott.

I am scared to start into a book that has such a great first chapter when I am this rusty at writing. If I can get through a SP adventure, maybe finish up the Witch's Daughter short I never finished back in January. then I will feel more confident about my ability to write this book I've built up to be so amazing in my head.

Because that's what it comes down to. It isn't that I don't have the ability. It's that I lack the confidence in my ability. I know if I just took my time, started slow, thought about each scene before I wrote it, I would be able to continue the momentum into this amazing book. But instead, I'd like to rush headlong into a Sally adventure that I don't have to think too hard or worry about.

Plus that is one of my goals this year. To finish at least one more SP adventure.

Then there's Chain Letter Choice, of course. I don't know what to do about that one. I want to finish it. I know I'm probably 20k shy of getting to the end. It's outlined. I have hashed out most of the details. Although I have forgotten everything Ewan and I talked about for the final order vs. chaos battle, so I will have to re-figure that out. But at the same time...I wonder if that's also a book I should let go of. I wanted so badly to finish it so I could be like, yes, detailed outlines work great for me. But at this point, maybe I need to give up on that idea. I may have to be an immersion writer. A discovery writer. Which might mean I spend six months at a time writing something, then don't write for six months to a year after that. As a hobbyist writer, that's totally okay. I don't have to write every month of the year. I don't even have to write every year.

But I should commit to projects and try to see them through once I start them.

So. I think tomorrow, I am going to try to finish Shadow Self. Friday, I will take a look at what I have for the next SP adventure. And then this weekend, maybe I will do some writing.

It's too damn hot out to do anything else. Summer is here, and outdoor adventures of my own are no fun anymore. Time to escape into other people's worlds.

Escape is good. While I am doing much, much better (after being sick with COVID for the first three weeks of May), I am still not 100% healthy yet. I am confident I will be, soon. But I have just enough energy for something creative, and not quite enough to do more than camp in the backyard or go for short hikes.

I feel optimistic about June. I just need to make sure I make time and make a point to write.

Even if I'm scared. Even if I'm rusty. Even if it's hard. Because it always is. Whether I'm coming back to it after a long break, or if I've been doing it almost every day for a year. It's always hard.

And honestly, that's one of the reasons it's so rewarding.